It’s been a while since I saw my friend Nate Maingard – while stuck in D. Nile’s grossly gilded cage, I wasn’t exactly ‘allowed’ spending time with male friends. Now, I know this should’ve set ‘em foghorn sirens a-screeching but my former masochistic streak appears to have an abnormally high ‘crazy’ threshold. Single men were a BIG no-no in the Duke’s books – as was any man who he thought might find me vaguely attractive. This rampant insecurity meant I started avoiding my guy friends for fear of sending Dax-a-lee on yet another relentlessly repetitive spiral. It was ridiculous. But since I felt guilty for my less than honourable behaviour at the beginning, I pandered in the misplaced hope that he’d eventually start to feel secure.
Another of D. Nile’s ‘charming’ quirks was his dangerously dictatorial arrogance – anyone who stood up for me and called into question his behaviour were conveniently labelled ‘disrespectful’ to him – and the relationship. Can anyone smell the eau d’delusions of grandeur? To show my commitment (respect for him and the relationship) I needed to align myself with him by effectively eliminating these people from my life. Which, scarily, was pretty much the entire compliment of my friends and family.
I’ve learnt that if the people you love and respect and who have known you a long time raise their concerns about your choice in partner: listen. Chances are they can see something you, in your rosy love tinted smack trip glasses, are probably blind to. Stop for a moment and hear what they have to say – and if it resonates with that nigglly feeling in your gut, it’s likely to be a strong indication all is not well in Denmark. When, even after you’ve confessed infidelity, they’re still voicing concerns loudly, trust me sista, they’ve spotted a giant frog. And it’s time to stop kissing the critter and move on.
* sigh *
Anyway, Nate and I got to hang out last night for the first time in months which was so cool. He’s like my brother, I adore him and his music – a cross between Death Cab For Cutie (think I’ll Follow You into the Dark) and what Damien Rice might sound like if he took a steady stream of Prozac. He’s wise, gentle, funny, insightful and a precious friend. And (yes, we’re finally getting there) the point of this post is our shared passion for music. Fidelity by the fabulously unconventional Regina Spector is one of my all time favourites (me being a supposed former commitment phobe as well) and has been spinning his decks recently. Since he hasn’t seen the video (which is utterly awesome and really rocks), I thought I’d re-post it for y’all today:
I never loved nobody fully * always one foot on the ground *and by protecting my heart truly * I got lost in the sounds…
Above all things, be faithful to your heart…