from 'Tender Things' (artwork by Paul Compton via Hand Held Gallery)
MP3′s, LP’s, DVD’s and CD’s. Whatever is currently spinning on Scarlet’s deck…
Right, here we go: playlists!
First one is a doubled disc compilation entitled Despair and Disillusion. These were songs that began repeating – in my car, my mind, iTunes, random stores, TV shows, what have you – as things between Dax and I spiraled steadily. Signs I tell you, signs. I’ve said it before: look at the songs people listen to… it tells its own story.
Side A
- The Key of C – Say Hi To Your Mom …and believe me there’s a better Frankenstein for you to bride…
- Hard To Drive – Amanda Palmer …i suffer mornings most of all, i feel so powerless and small…
- Shell Games – Bright Eyes …here it comes that heavy love, I’m never going to move it alone…
- Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe – Okkervil River …it’s just a bad movie, where there’s no crying…
- Rebellion (Lies) – Arcade Fire …every time you close your eye: Lies!…
- I’ll Never Tear You Apart – Martin Tielli …the faces in the window, oh, they’re just my friends…
- A Brief History of Love – The Big Pink …we gave it our all but it’s never enough, it’s all over tonight…
- Winter Winds – Mumford and Sons …and my head told my heart “Let love grow” but my heart told my head: “This time no”…
- Runaway Train – Soul Asylum …can you help me remember how to smile?...
- Reasonable Man – The National …pictures in resolute pain…
- Our Window – Noah and The Whale …and we both know that it’s over but we’re both not ready…
- Rise – Eddie Vedder …throw down my ace in the hole…
- Goodbye/Farewell – M83 …all the colours mixed up in falls of rainbows…
- Hallelujah – John Cale …David played and it pleased the Lord…
- Embers of Love – Imogen Heap …paint the two of us on a canvas of chains…
- Nothing Better – The Postal Service ...I feel I must interject here…
- Voice in the Wilderness – Ben Weaver ...love is a dying bird in a sky so blue…
- Nare Kaskendes – Die Heuwels Fantasties …bitter min, bitter mooi, sonder trane…
- In the End – Scott Matthew ...we all cry in the dark, get cut off before we start…
- Truce - The Dresden Dolls …my place can be taken...
Side B
- Kingdom of Rain – The The …is it just me or is this the way love is supposed to be?…
- Tripped – Whipping Boy …she had nothing left to give...
- Sick and Tired – Anastacia ...your heart is a place I no longer wanna be…
- Love: Building on Fire – Talking Heads …it’s not love, which is my face, which is a building, which is on fire…
- Miss You – Blink 182 …the angel from my nightmares…
- St Lawrence River – David Usher …and I’ll freeze here, winter by morning…
- The Crane Wife – The Decemberists …until threadbare she grew thin…
- Glass and Concrete and Stone – David Byrne …it’s just a house, not a home…
- Thinking of You – Pete Yorn …now it won’t happen again, til the next time…
- Changing Your Mind – Bob Schneider ...what’s so funny is this piece of skin, the one on my arm with your name inked in…
- Girl and the Sea – The Presets …now we’re nowhere in her thoughts as she drives beneath the waves…
- Motorcycle Drive By – Third Eye Blind …I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive…
- Mouthful of Diamonds – Phantogram …because the patterns they control your mind, those patterns take away my time…
- Light Blue Lover – Assembley of Dust …I gotta let her go I guess…
- The Toll – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club ...she picks up what’s left of the night…
- Other Side of The World – KT Tunstall …you’re close enough to see…
- It Tango – Laurie Anderson …isn’t it, isn’t it just like a woman?…
- Everything Is Moving So Fast – The Great Lake Swimmers …was it uplifting or was it deformed…
- Thin Blue Flame – Josh Ritter …it’s a Hell of a Heaven we must go to when we die…
- It’s Gonna Be (Alright) – Ween …I think I know what my souls got to say…
the 2nd double disc: Death and Destruction? They’re done. The last tracks to mark the end – lyrics from the first song took up near permanent residence on my Facebook status in the dying weeks. Music’s cathartic, ain’t it? Fasten your seatbelts - not much happy music to be found here:
Side A
- Get Me Away From Here I’m Dying – Belle and Sebastian …this is no declaration, I just thought I’d let you know goodbye…
- Mad World – Gary Jules …the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had…
- Folk Bloodbath – Josh Ritter …the angels laid her away…
- Dying Slowly – Tindersticks …so many squandered moments, so much wasted time…
- Dead Letter and the Infinite Yes – Wintersleep …our existence has serious side effects…
- Departure – Mt Desolation …death of love, it’s nothing to be scared of…
- The Leaver’s Dance – The Veils …Berenice there’s no release at all that’s not worth dying for…
- Frisk – The Big Pink …if this is love, then I might just leave it…
- Die Die Die – The Avett Brothers …you can try to swim the sea but say goodbye to you and me…
- Funeral Singers – Califone …stood in the weather and prayed for a push…
- Love is All - The Tallest Man on Earth …but my heart’s learned to kill…
- Last Goodbye – Jeff Buckley …I hate to see the love between us die, but it’s over…
- Broken by 2 – Ben Weaver …the grave is dug alone and the heart broken by two…
- Blinded – Whipping Boy ...five stories high, five ways to die: machete, gun, flick-knife, boot and needle passed…
- Girl – Beck …toy diamond ring stuck on her finger with a noose she can hang from the sun…
- Mama – My Chemical Romance …so raise your glass high for tomorrow we die…
- Chainsaw – Daniel Merriweather …something to mention before you kill me...
- The Kill – 30 Seconds to Mars …come break me down, bury me…
- No Surprises - Regina Spektor …bruises that won’t heal…
- In Fact – Gregory and the Hawk …step one: light me on fire…
Side B
- The Ballard of Broken Bones – The Low Anthem …over the world am I…
- Strength Through Music – Amanda Palmer …don’t bother blaming his games and guns, he’s only playing…
- Shankill Butchers – Sarah Jarosz …but something went horribly askew…
- Burn – Ray LaMontagne …the love that we had was just selfish and sad…
- The Professor and La Fille Danse – Damien Rice …here’s to another relationship bombed by my excellent breed of gamete disease…
- Nothingman – Pearl Jam …once divided, nothing left to subtract…
- World Spins Madly On – The Weepies …woke up and wished that I was dead...
- Murder of One – Counting Crows …does he tell you when you’re sorry? does he tell you when you’re wrong?…
- Terrible Love – The National …it takes an ocean not to break…
- How to be Dead – Snow Patrol …please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice…
- Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos …yellow bird flying gets shot in the wing…
- All Dried Up – Phantogram …I’m dying here but I’m alive…
- The Fight Song - The Appleseed Cast …this is the end, there’s nothing to keep…
- Love Will Tear Us Apart – Jose Gonzalez …and resentment rides high…
- Comets – Fanfarlo …cry murder, cry what you like…
- Pictures of You – Angie Hart …crying for the death of your heart…
- A Comet Appears - The Shins …never worked so long and hard to cement a failure…
- Old Baboons - Admiral Fallow …trying to breathe through a pillow…
- Roll Away Your Stone – Mumford and Sons … you’ve gone too far this time you have neither reason nor rhyme…
- Still I Rise – Barry Adamson …the anaesthetic now splitting the death probe…
There it is folks! The breakup mixes are done. Next up – happier stuff, I promise…
…well, not *just* yet. One more tortured compilation in between moving, hospital visits, family drama and a little growing up. And, as you well know, I pretty much do everything to a soundtrack. So here’s the latest, aptly titled: Fool’s Gold and False Prophets
- We Were Sparkling – My Brightest Diamond …there used to be a tree…
- The Day The Devil - Laurie Anderson …give me back my innocence. oh lord! cut me down to size…
- The Park – Feist …it’s not him who’d come across the sea to surprise you…
- Burn - The Low Anthem …I know I am a fool for trying to play it cruel…
- Monsters - Band of Horses …awful people they surround you, well ain’t they just like monsters…
- Buried Bones – Tindersticks …turn around and it’s winter, darling…
- Dear Against Smoking - Admiral Fallow …you really shouldn’t bother, there’s bigger things going on…
- Skip Divide - Thom Yorke …I thought there was this big connection…
- Fake Palindromes - Andrew Bird …I’m gonna tie your wrists with leather and drill a tiny hole into your head…
- Runaway - The Very Best and Kanye West (featuring Macc Mello) …a toast for the douchebags…
- Alas I Cannot Swim - Laura Marling …instead I live my life in constant misery…
- November – Tom Waits …November has tied me to an old dead tree…
- My Medicine – Everlast …drink what you leak and smoke what you sigh…
- Slipping Husband - The National …we don’t wanna hear about the things you never did…
- People - Barry Adamson …separate myself from the blame…
- Banging In The Nails - The Tiger Lillies …bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, banging in the nails…
- A Thousand Kisses Deep – Leonard Cohen …and summoned now to deal with your invincible defeat…
- Lock, Stock and Teardrops - The Bad Plus …someday you’ll wake up and you’ll find yourself alone…
- Ten Thousand Words - The Avett Brothers …but I am stuck in here all paralyzed…
- Blinding - Florence and The Machine …all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open and finally it seemed that the spell was broken…
And after a horrid winter of despair, disillusion, destruction, death, false prophets and fool’s gold I’d say we’re due a little sunshine and promise. So here it is, the new mix: Dawn of the Beautiful Dream. A delightful double CD bright with new beginnings in celebration of the beautiful and true – past present and future. Hey gods? Let’s pump up the volume on this!
Side A
- Origin of Love ~ Hedwig and The Angry Inch soundtrack …last time I saw you we had just split in two…
- Begin Again ~ The Veils …to feel it all, to feel no pain when I do fall…
- After The Storm ~ Mumford and Sons …with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair…
- (don’t) Tremble ~ Low Anthem …for I am waiting…
- Above the Bones ~ Mishka …our hearts open as the endless sky…
- Cradle Song ~ Shriekback …may you hold to your truth as you walk the dark night of unreason…
- (I’d Go The) Whole Wide World ~ Wreckless Eric …my mama said to me: there’s only one girl in the world for you…
- Oxygen ~ Willy Mason …cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet…
- No Urgency ~ Eric Himan …for feelings you show are met with no compromise…
- All Time High ~ Rita Coolidge …we’re two of a kind, we move as one…
- We Will Shine Like Gold ~ The Beautiful Girls …love is free and it will find a home…
- Safer ~ Just Jinger …a heart that warmed to me like no other…
- Tuesday Morning ~ Everlast …we’re only separated by a few degrees…
- (Are You) The One That I’ve Been Waiting For? ~ Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds…I knew you’d find me, ’cause I longed you here…
- Roll On Arte ~ The Felice Brothers …my arms are strong and that’s where you belong…
- True Blue ~ Bright Eyes …I don’t know much about you but I like you because…
- Universal Hall ~ The Waterboys …if high stream of dreams and truth be told…
- Heart to Heart ~ John Denver …love is everywhere: always safe, always true…
- Valkyrie Missile ~ Angels and Airwaves … if it’s true then you’ll feel the message …
- Now We Are Free ~ Lisa Gerrard and Hans Zimmer
Side B
- Can’t Take It In ~ Imogen Heap …weightless in love, unravelling…
- All My Days ~ Alexi Murdoch …now I see clearly it’s you I’m looking for…
- At My Most Beautiful ~ REM …I count your eyelashes, secretly…
- VCR ~ The xx …and you, you just know, you just do…
- Flower Parts ~ Bob Schneider …a soft touch and an open heart…
- Thrown Right At Me ~ The Tallest Man on Earth …we live so close that we probably seen the same bird, the same time…
- All The Wine ~ The National …put together b-b-beautifully…
- I Do ~ Placebo …this hope that you and I will bloom…
- Love Song ~ The Cure …you make me feel like I am whole again…
- The Ancient Common Sense of Things ~ Bishop Allen …book to shelf and foot to shoe and likewise I belong to you…
- I Like The Way This Is Going ~ Eels …I can only see my love growing…
- The Passenger ~ The Jolly Boys …everything was made for you and me…
- Do Ya ~ Neil Nathan …I never seen nothin’ like you…
- Hotel Yorba ~ The White Stripes …said 39 times that I love you to the beauty I had found…
- Unison Falling Into Harmony ~ Great Lake Swimmers …is gravity the same for you? or have you fallen deeply too…
- Home ~ Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros …holy moley, me oh my: you’re the apple of my eye…
- If My Heart Was a House ~ Owl City …you’d be home…
- 2 Bodies 1 Heart ~ Noah and the Whale …only ever hoping I can be there for you…
- I Really Need Love ~ The Bees …you know that you love me when every step’s a yes…
- Partner’s H.P. ~ Xavier Rudd …she will come and take your hand and help you understand…
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Pls where can I find the mixtape?
this is a virtual world, Tag. it exists in the ether. on a playlist somewhere, between about six different computers… *sigh* which I think is a sign I need to integrate my life. when I get my s**t together, can burn. but. it’s awfully melancholic. I’m working on happier stuff… (just gotta get past Death)
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